Month of Gratitudes

I have had such a hard time getting back here and writing.  I don't know that I want all the bad and hard stuff out there in cyberland (even though I know my few faithful followers would never care or share it) because a lot of what has been going on is my boys' story, their healing and trauma and not mine to share with the whole of the electronic world.  And somehow writing about the good stuff has been hard too.  I don't want only writing about the good stuff to make it appear that everything is okay or somehow to minimize the challenges and difficulties of our lives and how truly difficult it is and what a long journey healing is.

That being said, I need an out...somewhere to remember that our lives are going on and not just ending here.

So.....what to do?  I'm not going to make promises or set goals or whatever because I've done that before and never followed through....but I am giving myself permission to blog....and we'll see where that takes us...

Today I finished a weighted blanket and pillow case for a friend and they'll go in the mail on Monday...

I also made yummy bias to edge another quilt that has been a lost unfinished orphan for far too long

It snowed...the boys had fun....most of it is gone now

Brady worked with the boys on getting a roof on the tree house

Church is hard.  The Primary President has issues with children with mental health challenges...we haven't attended in over 2 months.  I don't know how to resolve it...but I cannot let them attend in an unsafe environment.


We want to move but the more I want to move  the more things get in the way and let me know we are going to be here awhile....I've been told in answer to my prayers that living here will always be the same the people will never change and will never truly care about our family.....I'm trusting in the Lord that if we are meant to move that he will provide a way.


The time changes tomorrow.....I'm looking forward to being able to sleep in...

I'm going to go ask my music man...if we can go out to eat....

So what's lower than low gear?

Today was okay...but harder...or something

Today's Accomplishments
*  Finally returned dish to Sis. L hopefully the tomatoes were compensation for the tardy return
*  Walked to Sis. L's with the boys and stopped to play at the park for awhile on the way home
*  Dishes finally got done
*  uhm.....

Daily Gratitude
*  Sis. Cabrera's kind offer to share dinner with our family
*  Roxies love and playfullness....the boys really enjoyed playing catch with her
*  Tyrant boy willingly took a nap

Memorable Moments
*  Tyrant boy asked for more sleeps when I checked on him after an hour and a half
*  The Engineer giving Sister Cabrera the third degree about how Mexican food differed from "real" food (someday I need to figure out how to teach that boy tact....)
*  Kar listening and really caring not just offering empty words and being willing to help out even though she's got a full plate of her own

**and I can't forget miss Corey's creativi-TEA and thoughtful card....

Okay....any prayers are welcome tomorrow is going to be rough.  Mr. Music Man is off to the Zombie Prom all day/night and I need to make it through it all with the boys.....single parenthood is so not my forte'

Morning after. . . .

Yesterday was a busy, busy, busy day. Sometimes I felt like I should be a mom on a sit-com juggling everything. So today I took it easy.. . . . well easier. . . .

Today I am thankful for. . . .

1. Friends who pray for me, even when they aren't really sure what is making me struggle. I feel their prayers and it made for a much better day than I had feared it would be. I forgot to thank them and express my gratitude to them yesterday.

2. Snow and green air. . .

3. Naps! I really needed one today and all the stars aligned to make that possible.

4.

Today I accomplished:

1. Partially loaded the dishwasher before taking the boys to school.

2. Sent off my music selections for approval for this Sunday...with a huge apology for being so late.

3. Got the boys to school (even with unplowed roads) on time.

4. Took the Tyrant to his Autism class up at the University. He mostly had a good day and had made some amazing progress over the holidays.

5. Came home for 40 minutes and did some quick surface pick-up before heading back out to get the Comedian from Kindergarten, then home for microwaved Hot Pockets for lunch ....then....

wait for it. . . .

6. Took a nap with the Tyrant (while I was sleeping the Comedian watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which is not a staple around our house but was a blessing to me today) and the DJman came home for lunch and shoveled the driveway and side-walks (bless him!) for me.) I had one of those weird dreams where I had to wake up but was too tired to wake up...for a while before I actually woke up...but when I did...I felt so refreshed and rejuvenated.

7. Remembered the almost full dishwasher and finished filling it and started the Homework hour.

8. Waited patiently for dinner (have I mentioned recently that I love my dinner swap group?) and then totally inhaled it...so good! Thanks Lotte!

Memorable Moments:
1. Napping and snugging with a 2 year old that doesn't like to be touched but did want to snuggle today! So nice! Often times I just want to squish him and have to remind myself that it is not a sensory sensation that he enjoys.

2. Sitting at the kitchen table with my little Engineer and working through some math concepts that have been giving him fits. About 3 problems in he beams "WOW! Now I see it!" followed by a hug and a "Thanks Mom!"

3. Orphans are coming home from Haiti! and miracles are happening to bring their family members to them and bring them home to their families. True, AMAZING, unheard of miracles.

4. My little Comedian so excited about being able to get up at "zero-o'clock" on no school days! He's truly precious and precocious and he tries my patience to no end. I love him so!

Commentary on a Rough Day. . .

This day was dreaded from the moment yesterday that I contemplated all that must be done. I'm tired, I hurt, I must go forth.....so to help me along

Today I am thankful for. . .
1. Compassionate people who are doing all they can to be the hands and hearts of the Lord in bringing comfort and care to those in Haiti who have suffered an aftershock of 6.1 causing more damage and more injury and more fear a week after the first earthquake (7.1)...people like Troy and Tara, John and Beth, the Buxman's, Lori and Licia, and so many others.

2. My home, my children, warmth, food enough, running water, electricity, my husband, lotion...there is so much I am blessed with that I take for granted. Sometimes I get bogged down in the bigger struggles of life and forget to realize that all the small things I am blessed with would be unfathomable for much of the world. I am blessed!

3. Well behaved children (mine and others) that play well together and at least try to clean up when it is time to go.

4. My husband who totally get that I need 5 childless minutes when he walks in the door!



Today I accomplished. . .

Before 11:00
1. Mushrooms, kiwi fruit, mangos, Thyme, Sage, Parsley, Rosemary all in the dehydrator and preserving themselves for future meals of yumminess! (My house smells SO good!)

2. Prayed for those in Haiti and those with loved ones in Haiti.

3. Kitchen, bathroom, and living room cleaned, laundry folded (now where is that little elf that will put it all away?)

4. Prayed for those in Haiti and those with loved ones in Haiti.

Note: We have NT visiting with us again today. He and the Comedian will entertain us all at the library later on this afternoon for Storytime.

AFTER 11:00
5. so at 11:00 I bundled the Tyrant and NT into the van to go pick up the Comedian from Kindergarten, got back home about 11:30

6. bustled NT and Comedian upstairs and plopped them in front of a movie (put 3 corndogs in the microwave for 1 minute), opened the door for the Tyrant's Developmental Therapist,

7. spent an hour trying to get the Tyrant to jump through her testing hoops, waved goodbye to the therapist and her tag-a-long observer at 12:40,

8. Prayed for patience and a civil tongue and then again prayed for those in Haiti and those with loved ones in Haiti. Prayed for baby Obama and even prayed for our President. That he could do it right and do what needed to be done and for one moment focus on something other than his agenda.

9. popped the corndogs in the toaster-oven to toast, got shoes and coats on all 3 kids, grabbed spill-resistent cups full of juice and buckled the kids in the van, gave them a drink and a corndog, ran back in the house for the forgotten movies and keys that needed returned to the library and we were off for Storytime, got to the Library 7 minutes early (how? I know not!)

10. sent the boys in to Storytime and played on the kiddy computers with the Tyrant for a (blessedly quiet and still) half hour. And truthfully, thought about Haiti and prayed in my heart that miracles would be happening in many lives. Then we checked stuff out and redid all the buckling up, came home let the Tyrant watch one episode of Superman, put him down for a nap

11. Had Princess L and her sister Missy L come over to play for a couple of hours while their mom went to her new job.

12. At 3:45 the Engineer came home from school and then all the mom's from our Babysitter's club stopped by to set up our Friday night's Out schedule for the next 4 months.

13. They and their children departed at 4:20ish and then it was time for the Comedian and Engineer to sit down and start their homework. The Tyrant is still napping and the sister's L are watching Horton Hears a Who, playing with blocks, the race track, and reading books

14. Called a friend for quick reassurance that "It was all going to be okay"

15. Somewhere in there I tried to make peanut butter bars.....emphasis on the "TRYING" which is a whole other story in and of itself. Thank goodness it was NOT my night to cook. I love my dinner exchange friends.

16: Now I'm sending my boys out the door with my husband to go Home Teaching to a family and (even though that isn't really how it is supposed to be done...but tonight.....in our house...it is)

I'm going to read my scriptures for a brief moment and again offer up prayers to my Creator on behalf of all those suffering and pray that I can have a better appreciation for all the many, many blessings which I have been gifted with..............before the bedtime adventures begin...

Memorable moments:

1. I was trying to fulfill a promise to a little boy that we would make cookies today. Well....I did try...although it might not have been one of my finer culinary moments. We were given a mix for peanutbutter chocolate bars for Christmas in 2008 and I had never used it. So I thought what could be easier than a mix that I just need to toss in a few things, stir and put in the oven. Before we left for Storytime (in the midst of that crazy corndog, juice, out the door dance) I took out a cube of butter to soften (as per the instructions on the tag of the mix). When we got back home from the library things were a tad bit chaotic so I tried to hurry through the rest of the preparations. I looked and read 3 1/2 Cups milk ---and I thought to myself...really? that's a lot of milk...but don't question the instructions just do it--- added an egg, the butter, some peanut butter, and the entire bag of mix and had a soupy crazy looking thing....which I couldn't reconcile with the instructions that said "firmly pat into well greased pan".......

HOLD IT! REREAD THE INSTRUCTIONS!

3 1/2 cups M. I. X. .....not milk......so I tried to salvage it by adding a carrot and white cake mix .....which got me 3 pans of cake and no pans of cookie bars....which I sent home with some of the ladies who came to set the schedule......ugh!

It turned out okay...not terrible....not wonderful either....

2. The Tyrant did quite well on most areas of his testing he is almost up to his chronological age. Which is truly AWESOME! It also makes me feel like I can focus more on the skills he is way behind in rather than trying to work on every area with him.

3. Tyrant screaming at the top of his lungs forever and ever just because, being put in his room and told he can come out when he is ready to "try again" and then....several minutes later I ask him if he's ready to try again and his sweet voice sucks the sobs in and responds with joy "Uhuh!" then down the stairs he comes ready to try again. (It only lasted for a quarter of an hour or so before he needed to re-regulate himself......but each time he was so full of joy at the opportunity he had to "try again" and it just made me think....me too.....I am so joyful that my Savior gifted me with opportunities to repent and try again no matter how many times I fall down or fall short.....JOY! God is Good!)

Daily thoughts

Today...and well oddly enough...when I say today...I actually mean...today....SURPRISE!!!!

I am thankful for....
1. Those rare mornings when there is no place to rush off to for either my husband or myself, when the boys wake up and sneak downstairs and turn cartoons on (the Comedian came in and whispered for permission first so that nobody got in trouble..and we told him to go even though it was only 6:30 and the rule was 7:00) and let us lay abed enjoying the luxury. Today was a bonus as there was snow falling and the light coming in the window was sparkly soft and the world outside was hushed and expectantly waiting to be dressed in unblemished white.

2. My talented husband who can rock the house, bring home the bacon and fixes vehicles even when it is snowing.

3. Microwaves (and the oven and frozen pizza) and the ease that they bring to making a quick warm meal.

4. the air outside warming up from frigid to merely cold....I almost don't need a coat...

Today I accomplished:
1. A lovely lay abed until almost 9:30....how decadent?
2. Christmas shopping completed (how did I ever survive without online ordering and free shipping?)
3. A quick, warm, and semi-nutritious lunch for the boys
4. errands by myself (yes that's right not a boy in sight! Just me all by myself doing things on the list!)
5. a pity party or two
6. a late dinner, made, served and cleaned up after (then again frozen pizza isn't that challenging even on my most challenging days)
7. Read 8 chapters of scriptures because yesterday I didn't....(I'm trying to finish the 4 gospels before the end of the year)
8. shoveled snow
9. shoveled snow and wished for a glove for my left hand....
10.shoveled ashes out of the fireplace
11. sent someone else to......shovel snow...still hadn't found my other glove
12. started a warm cozy fire and enjoyed it

See here's proof that just because the list is long it doesn't mean a whole lot was accomplished.....

Today's Memorable Moments

1. My Comedian and Engineer begged for today to be a Pajama day! I love that they want to stay home and enjoy being at home.

2. Tiny Tyrant....also more frequently known as Superman (pooperman) ..... said, "Watch this...swswswshoooo" and flew off into the livingroom. He really does love his cape and being a superhero. When I was starting the fireplace tonight he was throwing fireballs "ptchow! Ptchow!" into the opening from afar. What mom doesn't need a superhero around the house?

3. I returned home from errands and as I pulled into the driveway "Who You Are" by Hillary Weeks came on the radio. I cranked it up, sang along and sobbed......Here are the lyrics.... Today I really needed the reminder....

I know you wonder if you'll ever have a day when the kids stay calm, the laundry's done, and the dishes are put away. And sometimes you feel like your days are spent and gone and the question running through your mind is what have I gotten done? And when you finally have a moment to slow down at the end of you day I know Father would say

"Believe in what you're doing. Believe in who you are. Hold tight to the truth that you're a daughter of God. Believe in who you're becoming. Believe in who you are"

It may seem simple - all the little things you do But the lives you touch matter so much. And there's no one else like you. And Father needs you to stand tall and faithful to be all you can be. Oh, if you could see what he sees. When it's hard to believe in yourself and you feel like you're beginning to doubt Remember

He believes in what you're doing. He believes in who you are. Don't lose sight of the truth that you're a daughter of God. That he believes in who you're becoming. He believes in who you are.

This is so challenging for me to remember lately. I'm trying to focus on knowing that the gospel is true. There is a plan. Father in Heaven is aware of each one of us and knows what we are going through and sometimes when everything seems to be such a struggle He lets sweet moments of tender mercy happen when they will mean the most to us.

Daily thoughts

Today (again truly yesterday) I am thankful for:

1. Friends who willingly take my boy to ease my load as I juggle the Tyrant's therapy schedule

2. Nap-time (both the children's and mine)

3. Writers who can truly take me away for a time (thanks Mercedes Lackey for the new book)


Today (although few in number they felt like much more) I accomplished:
1. Took the Tyrant to his appointments

2. Read Gwenhwyfar: The White Spirit by M. Lackey and was taken into a much more believable and empowering (in a the "lady likely does not feint or simply live for bon-bons and cocoa puffs" way) tale of King Arthur (well more likely that of Gwenhwyfar) while the Tyrant napped and no one else was at home instead of doing housework....

3. Made a pasta salad (that we mistakenly abandoned--oops) and took the boys to the Church Christmas Dinner even though I didn't want to go

4. Watched "Numbers" even though it was a re-run and then went to dreamland

Some Memorable Moments of the day--

1. The Engineer was reading aloud a Batman novel in the van on the way home from the Christmas dinner and when I told him that maybe he should start reading me bedtime stories he replied, "Well I could do that....but could it be Batman?" (nice to know he'll fit me into his schedule as long as I do it on his terms)

2. Lottie made YUMMY mini-pumpkin cheesecakes and had me do the taste-test before taking them to the dinner

3. I was (literally) ran into by NT in the halls of the church and picked him and we tick-tocked while he counted to five. The first time he landed with his head down and told me the clock had to keep "tocking" because he didn't want to be put down on his head. Brother Arradondo rescued him but thought he was one of my boys.....he's definitely one that I would keep if given the chance.

Today. . .

and by today I really mean yesterday *smile*

I am thankful for. . . .
1) making too much dinner and being able to share with an unsuspecting (but hopeful) neighbor (although I did have to borrow a pan from her in order to be able to pull it all off)
2) Brown rice- I love the smell of it as I toast it before steaming
3) NT sharing with me when I told him that "I was the meanest mom in the world" that surely I was wrong because "HIS mom was the meanest mom so I couldn't possibly be" I asked him if we were mean because we were mad or because we loved our kids and he responded "I think it depends on the circumstshances"

Today I accomplished
1) Three loads of laundry washed, dried, folded and put away
2) Made dinner for 5 families and delivered them all before 6 pm
3) Read 4 more chapters of scriptures
4) Read 5 verses of scriptures with the boys before rushing out the door to take them to school
5) 2 loads of dishes
6) said "No" when a request was made that overwhelmed me
7) talked to my friend briefly between both of us juggling the needs of our children
8) enjoyed Storytime and got a few books to read in all of my *cough* spare moments
9) had a great conversation with my husband about possibilities and options and which road we should travel down for awhile
10) kept my cool with the boys all day long and didn't raise my voice once

Today had some memorable moments. Some I want to remember are:
1) My Comedian said, "Gee Mom, I really didn't need you to shake it all over me. My mouth is up here!" when I shook his antibiotic and had already opened the lid (but didn't remember doing it) and it went all over the kitchen, myself and him.
2) The Tyrant in the middle of the night calling out "Mama! Mama!" and when I went to check on him he said accusingly. "My (b)kinky fell down (a)gain!" Then when we found it on his pillow he asked for two squishes and smiled while I was doing deep body compressions on him.
3) The Engineer who started a tickle war with the un-ticklish mommy just so I'd tickle him back.

Today was a good day! It was so full that I didn't even think of the sad or worry about what news might be arriving tomorrow, or all the needs that we just can't meet for our sweet little family right now.

well. . .not much. . .

Just getting by.....

Today I am thankful for
1. my three sweet boys
2. my friend, Lara, who called because she was having a challenging day and instead ended up listening to me lose it
3. a fireplace and wood to burn to help keep us warmer in the frigid weather

Today I accomplished
1. Fed my children
2. Read 4 chapters in my scriptures
3. Asked for help when I was at the end of my rope

Today I had some memorable moments that keep me going when times are tough. I particularly want to remember

1. Snuggling the Tyrant and him listening to me sing "Silent Night" before bedtime
2. Figuring out that when the Tyrant starts saying "No man, No man, No man" He wants us to sing the Once there was a Snowman, Snowman, snowman...tall, tall, tall. . ." and then singing it over and over again with him while he does the actions...SO MUCH FUN!!!!
3. When I apologized to the Comedian for screaming at him he said, "Sometimes we all have bad days. Some of us have more mistakes than others but I love you anyway!"