The Super Pants are White

Ever since Saturday, November 27th the Tyrant has been singing a song that he composed himself.  It goes like this:



The Super pants, the super pants, the super pants are WHITE!!!!!!
(repeat 1st line)

Now you may think that this has something to do with Superman but you would be mighty wrong.  On that last Saturday in November my Engineer chose to enter the waters of baptism.  It was a very special day and meant even more to me after all of the heartache and hurt of the past year.  We had some very close friends present and my husband's brother and his family here.  Just a small gathering.  Nothing too overwhelming for the boy who has been terrified of being touched or losing control.  I was so proud of my boy.  He really felt the spirit that day and it was evident in his bright and shining demeanor.

Clearly it meant something to the smallest member of our household as well.  Because he is now aspiring to wear his own pair of Super White Pants.  Although he has already begun negotiations to see if we can get a special dispensation so that he can be baptized at 7 instead of 8.  Somehow I don't think the Prophet is going to be swayed by his reasoning.

Thanks for your prayers and for sticking by our family through the difficult times and for celebrating with us during the times of joy.

Conversations with the Tyrant

Tyrant: Whine* Whine* Whine* Papa!

Papa: Do you want this?

Tyrant: No *Whine*

Papa: What about this?

Tyrant: No *Whine*

Papa: Do you want this? or this? or this?

Tyrant: No *Whine*

Papa: Then I just don’t know what you want.

Tyrant: PAPA! PAPA! PAPA!

Papa: Honey I can’t figure out what it is that he wants.

Mama thinks: So what do you want me to do about it?

Who needs a phone?

I'll just call grandma on my cracker!

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This was a huge step today! Come celebrate with me! He thought this up all on his own with no encouragement or modeling or coaching. I felt like I was walking on air for a moment or two.

This little boy takes things so literally. Cars must be cars and they must drive flat on the floor/road. They cannot fly through the air or make any sounds that might vary from "car-like". Blocks are meant to be used to build towers, they can't drive like cars or be used to build roads. Blankets are meant to be used on the bed, not play hide-and-seek with or to hang up for the sides of a fort. In the last couple of months he has decided that in order to be an effective superhero blankets can be capes, blocks can be hand held super devices and today a graham cracker can be a phone.

HURRAY!!!!

We are finally moving into some pretend play which means that he's taking another step up the ladder of social play skills.

I hope he and grandma had a nice conversation.

I wonder what kind of reception graham crackers get...

(Day 10) Thankful for. . . . .

comfy beds to fall into when we just can't stay awake anymore!

I've been in hiding......

I've been pondering a lot lately about why I find it difficult to share the details of my real life here; not just the cute, funny endearing moments that I find to be true tender mercies that help keep me going. My life is not all darling children and memorable moments. Most days are quite difficult to get through and more often than not I make at least one if not multiple calls to a dear friend begging her to remind me that 1) there is a plan! 2) one day it will all be better than okay, one day it will be celestial and I'll be able to see and know all my boys without the challenges that they face in this life. and 3) that she has hard days too; they are not easier just different challenges and we signed up for this life to be challenged, to be tested and refined.

I think I've decided that it really comes down to a fear of being judged for the reality of my life. The reality of my life is not what I dreamed about when I was in High School, and many around me who know the boys don't truly see them in all their overstimulated glory and often tell me how "perfect" my boys are. I know that they are perfect in that they are sons of a loving Father in Heaven who love them and that they are made in his image. However one of the things that keeps me going is the belief that beyond this life they will not have the struggles with Autism and anxiety that we work so very hard to teach them coping methods for.

I have a select handful of blogs written by strangers that I read. They are all very real in sharing the good, the bad and the ugly in their lives.

One very loving mother is searching for a new family for her son. How do you do that? I don't know. I am grateful each day that I don't have to make the decisions she is making. Yet, I have no doubt that she has prayed and searched for every other option and has regretfully agreed with the specialists that there is no other option. If you visit her site, and read their story I beg of you that you be kind. She is walking a very difficult road.

Another has picked up her family and moved across country to run a RV camp while homeschooling her children experiencing Reactive Attachment Disorder (among other challenges. She takes on life full steam ahead and her consequences for misbehavior really make sense and reemphasize the responsibility that comes with exercising agency.

My dear friend, Grandma Honey, writes about her sweet grandchildren and I find strength most when she shares about little Cami's progress. Well, she isn't a stranger but she lives far from me and so often her posts are just the reminder that I need to keep moving forward on those difficult days.

Yet another lives not far from us and shares their journey through adoption and attachment challengers.

Then there are the Livesay's who moved their family to Haiti in order to adopt into their family and remain their ministering to the Haitian people. Tara's dry wit is so often what I need to remember that even though sometimes it is No good, very bad there is still so much good here on this earth.

Reading about how they are getting through their very difficult days lends me strength (and creativity) to get through some of my challenging days.


I've taken most of the month of October off of pretty much everything. I've not taken the Tiny Tyrant to any therapy appointments so far this month. Nor have we worked on Speech and Social interactions with the Engineer; and I've rescheduled the Comedian's doctor appointments three times so far (and I'm thinking of rescheduling again....). It has been so nice to pretend that our life is normal, if even for a few weeks. There are many things I've been able to do that normally I couldn't even consider like spontaneously take dinner to a neighbor (even if it was in sporadic stages *grin*), go Visiting Teaching at times that I had other commitments, have insanely scheduled days (I'm used to them...really!) spontaneously, volunteer at the boys' school, and even substitute for the PE teacher two days, take charge of organizing an annual Ornament Exchange for a group of friends and go for walks in the beautiful leaves with the boys...and so many other things. For the last three weeks I've really had life be close to what I imagined it would be; sure there have been difficult times but it just seemed easier somehow to not be faced every. single. day. with my sons lack of progress, or setbacks, or areas of development where he looks more like a 3-4 month old rather than the 2 1/2 year old he is chronologically.

Next week, well really tomorrow, I've promised myself that I would get back to the hard work of living. Now that it is here it is so tempting to cancel the home visit on Tuesday; but I know it is not in the best interests of the Tyrant to continue on like this. I know that I've committed to giving my children the best but it is so tempting this month week to settle for good!

Random Rewards....

We've started something new lately, it involves remembering to be good without being asked and candy. (I know, I swore I'd never bribe with candy...but this isn't exactly a bribe....is it?)

So what happens is at random times throughout the day I pick something like remembering to clear your dishes from the table, make your bed, put away clean clothes, take PJ's back upstairs, etc. and give a small treat to everyone who had it already done at that moment in time. The boys seem to really like it and even though they are a little disappointed if they don't get a treat but they don't fuss about it and it seems to be a good motivation to help them be in charge of themselves without me feeling like a naggy hag.

Even the Tiny Tyrant (more about the shift from Terrific Toddler to Tiny Tyrant in a later post) seems to be catching on. He HATES taking care of his dishes. Like screaming ranting, sobbing, take him by the hand and drag him and his dishes to the sink HATES taking care of his dishes. However after our Sunday Sundae's tonight he took care of his bowl without even being asked and then he came looking for "nandy". Since I do try to keep the treats and the checks random ( and won't do one if someone asks me about it (see how mean I am) because I don't want candy to be the reward) he didn't walk away with any treats. But he was fairly stoked at getting a High 5 and a "Way to go".

So for as long as they work the way I want them to.....we have a new game at our home.