I am having a difficult time. I don't feel strong, I just want to give up....in fact today I did give up. Just lay on my bed and watched mind and feeling numbing television and left my children to their own devices. My youngest 2 year old who has pervasive developmental delays was going to scream whether I was trying to interact with him or if he was alone..... maybe I am just making excuses, I don't know. I should be loving this time with Spring Break and all my boys home but it just seems to throw us all into CHAOS.
Practically every item of clothing that I would consider for myself or anyone else in the house to wear is filthy in a pile waiting to be washed. I guess I could clean our drawers and closets out easily by just bagging up anything that is folded or hanging up and take them to the DI. My oven and stove both stopped working last week, my water heater stopped working yesterday. I am so tired of only having energy to go to therapy appointments and meet with specialists. I am tired of having growing and learning being such a struggle requiring direct instruction for even the simplest things. I am tired of being a mom. I am tired of being tired. I'm tired of having others in the neighborhood look at me like I must be the laziest woman on the planet to not be able to keep my house clean, and care for my kids.
Why do I have to do more? Why is there so much to do? Why can't my baby say any words? Why do I feel so alone? Why do I always volunteer to help others and then feel stuck because I feel like I've taken on too much? I signed my oldest up for soccer, that makes one more thing to fit in somehow in this insane schedule. He's been extra loving lately...I think he senses how stressed and worn out I am. So does my husband but he feels so helpless and doesn't know what to do to help.
I am so flipping tired of being a failure with never getting ahead or accomplishing anything for more than 5 minutes at a time. Something tells me that somehow if I could just rest enough and start little that maybe someday I could be the mom who could juggle everything again....and yet the thought of even beginning to do all of that in addition to all that I'm trying to handle now just makes me cry.
5 comments:
I wish I was there to lend a helping hand! I know how you feel, most of the time I just sit around on the computer because I am so overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done. Some times I am tired of being a Mom too. Isn't it great that our kids seem to still love us anyways. Most of the time I feel like a horrible Mother to ignores her kids. But they still choose me over someone else, go figuare. I will pray for you!
Love,
Catherine
Oh Cynthia! I feel your pain! I too will pray for you. I hope the help you need comes quickly!
Love, Ana
I read your blog the day you wrote it and I have thought about you since. I also wish I were closer. I would love to be bringing your dinner over. I remember those days you are at now. My mom lived close by and she helped me a lot. Another thing that cost money but was well worth it, is I had a twice a month housekeeper when my boys were small. She just came every other Wed morning for years. It really helped me to stay on top of things. We couldn't afford it back then but we did it anyway and sacrificed other things for it. Even a teenager to come in and vacuum and clean bathrooms back then would have been a lot of help to me.
If there is anything I can do for you Cynthia please email privately
Jillyds@sbcglobal.net
I can tell by your blog that you are such a good mom.
I think every mom I know feels this way at times. Life can be so hard and stressful sometimes, that it is easy to get overwhelmed. Just know that you are not alone! You are amazing! Now go take a nap!
I don't think any one can do it all, and anyone that say's they can is lying to themselves and the world. Is there anything I can do? Please let me help, in some way. If you still have my number give me a call and let me know what I can do.
Post a Comment