I've fought through depression that comes along with chemicals in my body being out of whack due to small aliens life forms growing inside of me multiple times. Each time the depression was the same but my perspective of it differed and I knew that it was going to end. There were many people, experiences and thoughts that brought me comfort to help me survive until my body righted all of the chemical processes.
This is different. I really struggle to figure out how to work through all of the UNBLOGGABLE that is going on in my life. I've actually done searches at the local library and on Amazon among other places and there just simply isn't any information on how to help your children heal when the UNBLOGGABLE happens or how to help myself as a mother, daughter, aunt, etc. The closest thing that is not pure fiction that I've come across is a book of teen girls sharing the horror stories of the UNBLOGGABLE things that happened to them when they were growing up. So either there just is not much information out there or I don't know the right key words to use in my searches.
I remember hearing folk say "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" and taking some comfort and strength from that in the land of my trials before. Now when I'm told that I want to scream at them at the top of my lungs that GOD DID NOT PLAN OR CAUSE THIS UNBLOGGABLE TRIAL TO HAPPEN. THE ONLY CULPABILITY THAT GOD HAS IS IN ALLOWING ALL PEOPLE TO EXERCISE THEIR AGENCY TO CHOOSE! That's it....God is not in this trial. My God could not plan for this to happen to any of his children and sadly I know that much worse than what we are going through happens each and every second somewhere or several somewheres on this planet. I do know that somehow, He will help us to get through and move beyond. He can use this to make us stronger and to learn things about Him and ourselves that we may not have learned about in other ways. But God did not sit up and push buttons or even remotely dream up all the terrible things that mankind choose to do to their brothers and sisters.
So while I previously professed to be trying to work a little more PolyAnna into my life. I haven't been posting because truly there is not a lot of lollipops and sunshine hanging out in my world right now. I'd welcome prayers and if any of ya all happen to know of some resources I would be most appreciative. Because somehow we will get through all of this and come out stronger and refined just in time to meet the next move of the Adversary on the other side.
Behold, I have refined you, but not with silver;
I have chosen you in the furnace of affliction.
For my own sake, even for my own sake, will I do it:
for how should My Name be polluted?
and I will not give My Glory unto another. (Isaiah 10-11)
2 comments:
I wish I had resources to help you other than what I've already given. I'm quite certain my darlings have also been through the unbloggable, but we have no details or hard core proof. The unbloggable just plain sucks. What does CJC have to offer. They had all kinds of safety and coping classes down south, but I haven't heard of much up here.
You are right about one thing, though. This wasn't caused by God. It was people using their agency and making very poor choices. The good news, though, is that He is still bigger than all of it and that is WHY his plan included sending our Savior to do what he did.
Hugs and loves to you, my friend. Keep on keeping on. You will find your way out, I promise!
Unfortunately the CJC here appears to only provide a "safe homelike" reporting space and community education via the Good Touch Bad Touch classes.
I''m mostly just discouraged. We are back in the midst of the PTSD triggered night time vomiting combined oh so nicely (NOT) with Sensory Processing Meltdowns in my youngest.
The grandmother sent a package and a card detailing all the "fun" stuff she is doing (that are usually a part of our life with family during the summer too) and how she wishes I would let them come too. *rolls eyes* Which truthfully we would all love to do but their safety and healing is more important than extended family.
So as far as the boys know nothing has arrived....and we are still trying to figure out what to do.
I have renewed conviction today to try and pull it all together. We are going to the Fireworks on Friday night and then I think we will run away to City of the Rocks either Sat or Mon.
Thank you for being so supportive! I am so grateful to know you.
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